would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
