I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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