Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
