Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
