If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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