just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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