just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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