Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
