I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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