Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Alive.
So much puke
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
