Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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