He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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