Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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