i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
