I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
