Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
