she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
