He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
