Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
