I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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