You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
