On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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