I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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