it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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