I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
