This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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