If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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