and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
