but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
