Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
