I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
