He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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