I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
