Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
