I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
