you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
