Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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