I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
