I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
