I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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