Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
