PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
