The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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