Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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