Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
