who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
that's an acceptable place to lick
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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