I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We had sex on a dog bed..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
