I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
two words: eviction party
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
