omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
