I accidentally burped into my bong.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
