OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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