i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
