Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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