Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
