Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
