But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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