Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We named our party play list daddy issues
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
